Losing it ... But I'm still trying ...

Energy in class is very negative ... How can I help my students? Some part of me wishes to give up ... but some part of me refuses to let go of them. I juz find it difficult I guess ... Is that why I know that Teaching is my call? Perhaps ...

Am trying a different strategy now ... to reach out to small groups ... small in numbers but if they were to stir the class up in a positive manner ... perhaps these little sparks is enough to light the entire class on fire. Got them to understand my point of view ... I hope they understood. I juz want to help them do better in their studies. Is that juz so hard to internalise?

"Jesus ... I've shared your situation with them. Let him who knew no sin casts the first stone. I'm trying to make things better ... but Lord, it's really difficult. I feel so alone sometimes. You must help me through this phase, Lord. I think I am very much affected by everything that is going on."

Is that why I'm treating baby a little coldly yesterday? Sigh ... I dunno. I'm sorry baby. I am troubled by quite a number of things ... Some things are constantly on my mind ... How is my $37 going to last me these 5 days? I don't wish to show that I'm in lack because my God is a God of no lack. And I wish to portray this aspect in my life. Troubles in shool as well. =( And I think I am not as desirable as I used to ... I think I am losing it all ...

"Lord ... I don't wish to lose you too ..."