2nd near-death encounter ...
Tonight ... I nearly died.
If it weren't for the driver pulling his brakes fast enough and swerved in time, I might not be here writing down my innermost thoughts. Perhaps I should say ... if it weren't for God's grace, I might not be alive at this moment ...
I was very hurt when I told you "you show more emotions towards Bambi than towards me when you witnessed my near-death encounter". Because ... somehow ... that was really what I felt. Yes. I might have been lazy ... maybe I might have been complacent and not checked my blind spot ... but why won't you understand that I was so excited when I saw you from my mirror that I just moved the car forward and swerved right to make that u-turn ... Why won't you understand that I also did not want you to walk a farther distance towards where I was because I did not want to tire you ... Why won't you understand that I was juz looking for appreciation for my good intentions and apology that perhaps this near-death encounter could have been avoided if ...
All of a sudden ... it seems like I deserve it since I volunteered to pick you up ... it seems like I was the only one at fault ... I felt something that seemed so familiar ... something familiar that I experienced in my past relationships ... I seemed to be the one who is wrong ... always wrong ... perhaps I am ... perhaps I deserve it ... perhaps ...
I'm lost at this moment.
I feel very sad, baby ...
I feel like crying ... Don't know why ...
But bottom line still doesn't change ... I love you,baby.
Sorry that this special day turned out like this ...
Happy 2nd year anniversary???
From the depth of my heart ... Happy 2nd year anniversary.
posted by Highs-&-Lows @ 8/27/2008 09:19:00 PM
1 Comments:
Assumptions. You are making too many assumptions. And I don't blame you because from day one, I've told you that that has been my major flaw. Expressing myself. Telling people what goes through my head. And I hate myself for it. The number one thing I felt was guilt because I knew it was because of me that you turned. And when I came into the car, you already gave me a look of disappointment, like I was the cause of it. And I felt like I was. I couldn't face you because you were almost involved in the accident because of me. It's just like when you get upset because of me, I don't even dare make a sound lest I make it worse. You also assume that I turned the tables on you and made it your fault. I know I did say things to that effect, but only as self defense. I know it's not an excuse. But I felt accused, hence, I accused you back. Childish, but again, self-defense. You are focusing on what you think I felt and hence you feel horrible. And you keep dwelling on what is not true about what I felt. And until you realise that, I really don't know what else I can do. Because after reflecting, I know that I am sorry, and that I should understand your reaction better. Yet, one thing stands, that your perceptions on my thoughts have not been entirely correct. And this again, I don't blame you for because of my lack of expressions. So I don't know what else to do. Tell me.
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